Denver - Good afternoon, everybody! I hope you only came inside to check the Green Couch! You should be outside, enjoying the spring days, meeting new and interesting people. And above all, you should be avoiding those Deafhood perverts – they are now practicing Deaf Porn!

I am not kidding you!

I spent a little time rehashing the bits and pieces I’ve read of Paddy Ladd’s book, “Deafhood” – the guide to being “stupidly deaf” - and immediately regretted it. In fact, my reading of the first three paragraphs of the introduction compelled me to write Mr. Ladd a memo, which I have sent by pigeon-carrier.

Dear Mr. Ladd,

I read your book and please let me tell you - it has added a new level of confounding horror to scholarly research. If Eden were the hallowed halls of academia, you have encouraged masses of ignorant deaf idiots to swarm the air with thick, pea soup-like consistencies of stupidity that drown out all other forms of intelligent life.

Hell would be too kind a respite from the meandering and British blathering that you call a “book” about suicidally pornographic Deafhood priests and priestesses.

Sincerely,

Paotie

HaHa!

I’m just messin’ with all ya’ll. Can ya dig it; ya’know what I’m sayin’?

I had a good laugh this morning in reviewing some of the articles floating through DeafRead. One vlog, in particular, struck me as both funny and odd. And pornographic!

I love Deaf Porn!

A Deafhood wannabe-priestess offered her body earlier this week in an effort to prove her point. She wore a tight shirt and bounced around a lot. She also fidgeted like she was very uncomfortable, and at one point, I was concerned for her well-being because she seemed .. anxious or something.

But when she removed stuffed tissue from her bra to show membership in Deafhood’s, “Itty-Bitty-Titty Club,” I thought, Wow!

So I went to a restaurant and asked a few people what they thought. And since none of the people I talked to knew American Sign Language (ASL), and because the vlog lacked captioning or subtitles, I offered my own licencious and liberal interpretation, instead.

And it went something like this:

Paotie: Wow! What a boob!

Restaurant Eater #1: Wow! What a babe!

Eater #2: What’s wrong with her?

Paotie: I don’t know - meth addict, maybe?

Eater #2: Ha. Ha. That’s not what I meant. I mean, why is she not talking?

Eater #1: Is she deaf?

Paotie: Nope! She is not deaf! She is a “deaf Boob” - the capital letter, “B” signifies that she’s a Deafhood Boob, too.

Eater #2: Really? No way!

Paotie: Yup. Deafhood is all about the tits.

Eater #1: Wow! What a concept! Where do I sign up!?

Meanwhile, at another vlog, the official Deafhood Hand-Job Priestess was seen laying an egg of a comment. In other words, she had this to say about breast and cochlear implants:

I AM AN EXPERT ON MALE MASTURBATION!

HaHa!

Anyway, I have to go now - the BBQ starts in a little while, and I need to make sure the steak and chicken have been marinating properly. In the meantime, have a great and safe Saturday night!

I’ll see all ya’ll tomorrow.

Be good .. or be good at it.

Paotie