Sweet Nothing In My Ear: A Message To Leave Children Out of Politics
Denver – Good afternoon, everybody! I hope you had a great and safe weekend! I saw last night’s television program, Sweet Nothing In My Ear, and I was truly impressed with Marlee Matlin! Now we know why deaf actors and actresses do not get many roles as deaf people in films – because deaf people over-act as deaf people!
HaHa!
I’m just messin’ with all ya’ll. Can ya dig it, ya’know what I’m sayin’?
I got lots of emails last night and this morning from readers of Paotie’s Green Couch asking me what I thought of the movie. Instead of hashing out what the movie is about, I’ve decided to give all ya’ll a few other links to check out below:
Candy
The movie was aigh’t. Nothing magical about it. I do think Marlee Matlin really went for broke in this movie, as if she were trying to win an Emmy Award for best actress. For a two-hour television program, the movie superficially covered a lot of ground in terms of the cochlear implant controversy within the deaf community.
Not too bad. Nothing about the movie sticks out to me, other than the fact I noticed many people on the blogosphere have been asking, “Why didn’t they ask the boy what he wanted?”
Lots of deaf people believe that children should at least have some say with regard to the implant itself. I agree, but there’s a difference between my opinion and theirs that I’d like to point out.
First, I agree a child should have at least some input/involvement when parents are considering the cochlear implant for their deaf child. And when I say that, I mean in a manner that is only consistent with the child’s natural preferences inherent to his/her family, and not in accordance with some “Deaf Expert” who loves to state, “When I was a child, I used to think like you. Now, I am mindlessly stupid because I listen to the wrong people as an adult.”
Recently, a deaf blogger appeared on DeafRead with an article of an adult male trying to lure a deaf child “out of the darkness” that is the hearing world. For some reason or another, when I finished reading his article, a thought flashed through my mind: children should not talk to strangers.
In fact, there are some deaf bloggers who identify themselves as “militant” and see no harm in confronting oral deaf children in deaf residential schools, and this is what bothers me more than anything. I do not see children as political pawns, to be used and discarded when convenient. I do not agree with adults confronting someone else’s child in any type of “militant” fashion or other forms of coercion.
Children are children – leave them out of the politics.
Conversely, I am not particularly comfortable with endorsing implants for children as young as 12-months old, and there’s a simple reason why: if I had a deaf child, I would wait until technology was even better and less invasive. But that is my preference based on the fact that I have lived nearly all my life as a deaf person.
I love being deaf!
So, the movie wasn’t too bad. Jeff Daniels needs to work on his sign language skills. Marlee Matlin was overly dramatic at times. The grandparents were the sort that I’d love to sit and chat over mugs of Guinness. And the extremes shown in the movie served to demonstrate the extremes rather than preach a particular message to anyone, I thought.
The point of today’s article is that Sweet Nothing In My Ear was right about one thing: any decision that impacts a family ought to be the family’s and nobody else’s. If a family considers a cochlear implant for their child, then that consideration is for the child’s natural preferences, parents and family – and not about anything else.
What this means, is that people who are not family members ought to mind their own business when families make intensely personal and private decisions. If it ain’t your family, then you ain’t got any business worrying about other people and their families.
Well, anyway .. I’m going skateboarding again in a minute here, and before I head out into the wind, I want to ask those deaf and cochlear implant activists/advocates/militants one last thing:
Please leave children out of the politics – even when the politics are about them.
Be good .. or be good at it.
Paotie
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Well said! I couldn’t agree more.
Like you, I am not quite comfortable with children as young as 12 months being implanted with cochlear implants for a few reasons. For one, hearing tests. Despite what some “experts” may claim, there are some cases where infants who were originally to be deaf were in fact, hearing or hard-of-hearing.
So, by the time the child is implanted, it’s too late. The residual hearing is long gone. Also, I have lived my whole life as a deaf person too, so I can understand what it is like to be deaf. I do believe there are better opportunities for the deaf will come our way in the future. Nanotechnology, stem cells and more.
On some occasions, I have stated that I am quite open-minded about cochlear implants and that I believe it does help a lot of people. However, I do have my concerns because they are still pushing more and more to implant it on babies as young as 6 months old.
I didn’t give the movie a rating, but if I had to. I would give it approximately 6 out of 10 meaning it’s just average. Nothing great about it, but it’s not a bad movie at all. Not bad for a Hallmark movie. A little too syrupy at times and yes, over-dramatic.
I agree with you about Jeff Daniels. He did okay at times. However, when he was in an argument with Laura, he messed up quite a lot while signing. I would had sworn he was about to go into a seizure at times, even nearly poked his eyes out.
Oh well, what can you expect from a beginner? From what I hear, he learned ASL by watching video tapes. I don’t think they hired an ASL instructor for him. I do applaud him for his efforts though.
That’s all I have to say. Great blog entry, I enjoyed reading it.
To make a correction,
“Despite what some “experts” may claim, there are some cases where infants who were originally to be deaf were in fact, hearing or hard-of-hearing.”
I left a word out. Now, here’s the corrected sentence.
“Despite what some “experts” may claim, there are some cases where infants who were originally thought to be deaf were in fact, hearing or hard-of-hearing.”
Yeah definitely leave kids out of politics! That much I agree. I thought Jeff Daniels did great considering the possibility that he didn’t have much time to learn. I didn’t focus all on signs I was darting back and forth from lips to captions to signs and started all over again. Kind of crazy, if you ask me! lol
Banjo, your second comment’s quote is something that has bothered me greatly for so long. Being someone who is hard of hearing, I’ve been told I qualify for a C.I. I just can’t imagine, considering how much I can hear and with great frequencies, with a hearing aid. It is just mind boggling!
Gotcha.
I appreciate your latest blog… full of common sense.
One more thing… I appreciate your statement “…I mean in a manner that is only consistent with the child’s natural preferences inherent to his/her family, and not in accordance with some “Deaf Expert” who loves…” because I KNOW each deaf child is different. Speaking from my personal experience with my two deaf children… one as a visual/spatial learner and another as an aural learner, nothing is clear and I’d have to weigh their preferences and their input, etc. One commenter from Mishka Zena’s blog said, “I support a family’s choice in the matter. My son doesn’t sign, but that choice isn’t for every family. I support providing a child with language. That’s what we’ve done for my child. Remember I’m talking about an infant who has learned from a very young age. It all depends on the child, the family, the age of diagnosis, amplification, etc. I actually don’t think we should debate this issue. From what I see here there are many “shades” of deafness. It’s diverse. From deaf/hoh individuals who sign to those who don’t; some in between. I think we’re all bias to an extent; including you..” in response to another commenter.
I fully agree that we all need to leave the kids out of this. The thing about the implants is that the residual hearing is much more protected now with current techniques than it was before. And the thing about implanting babies is that the brain needs to learn how to understand hearing, and the older you get, the harder it is to learn, especially for profoundly deaf babies. In fact, unless you are profoundly deaf, you don’t even qualify until age 2. So severely deaf babies don’t qualify.
If you wait for better technology, then you risk that the brain will not be able to understand the sound, even if “normal” hearing can be fully restored.
I posted a blog on auditory brain development here:
http://aslci.blogspot.com/2008/03/brain-and-cochlear-implants.html
I hope it helps.
*sigh* Nothing is easy. I know there are some strong opinions over the CI of children issue but I firmly believe that the decision should lie with the family, not with the community. It still all comes down to the willingness of the parties to commit to ensure that the child to succeed in his/her life, CI or not.
The movie would be different if the child was an infant or a toddler instead of an 8-year-old boy… boy, there would be a lot of discussions.
Karen, you mentioned “so many shades of deafness”, very true. That is something that the ASL extremists needs to understand. This is something that many of us were trying to put out in so many words imaginable, yet, the message wasn’t understood. Blame it on donkeygitist, more than anything else.
I agree with you on all counts. Speaking from experience, it’s best to let children just be that – children. They’ll get into the politics soon enough anyway. :/
Darn, the judges gave Marlee a hard time… using her deafness for the reason for not being good enough
Sorry for going off of the point of this subject.
Yup, let children be children… childhoods are too short!
I realized that Adam is 8/9 years old. Therefore, the parents stayed out of Adam and they did! However, Adam must be informed. I think it’s a peremptory challenge.
I agree what you said in every word.
I am pretty annoyed about the “disabled” issue at the court! What a fiddle-doo I’m having! *Rolling my eyes*
As far as I can see that there is no controversial that is excite me! :-/ What a bum.
I would have eager to discuss if there is a CI and the deaf baby in the movie! I’d be thrilled to debate if there is a controversy.
Josh,
I see you like lemon twists with your honesty.
Beautiful Misconceptions!
Excellent piece, Paotie.
Am in 100% agreement here…
What do you skate on out in Denver? I hope they have cool concrete bowls for ya to carve?
So, leave the children out of this… but then you bring them up. So I have to comment: it’s actually pretty easy to clarify if a child is profoundly hearing impaired by a few months of age unless they are born prematurely, and have not fully developed. Auditory neuropathy is another issue, but you won’t find surgeons who will implant infants who have that (or prematurity), because it is important to clarify exactly the nature of their hearing impairment. It’s pretty important to know that sedated ABRs are very, very clear about the frequencies and db. loss, and they are done in conjunction with hearing aid trials and soundbooth testing. No stone is left unturned. The kids being implanted as infants are clearly candidates due to their permanent hearing loss.
As someone who has had my infant implanted, I know the simple fact that the earlier a child is implanted, the better they will hear– forever. And then they won’t be one of those “failures” which others refer to who can’t really hear well, etc. It’s also very clear that it was correct to do it early because, years later (having only been implanted on one side), my child’s hearing on the non-implanted side was found to have no residual hearing. Nothing had changed.
It’s fine to say what you would want for yourself or your child, but for hearing parents it would be “sweet Nothing in My Head” to fail to implant our kids as early as possible. We would be encouraging a period of poor language development because we would be faced with the impossible task of speaking to our babies in a non-native language… and by the time we became fluent they would be past the age of best language acquisition.
The main problem with the movie, IMO, was the fact that it reflects a tiny segment of the population (deaf parent with deaf child) whereas the reality (which the public won’t know) is hearing parents with deaf child. This makes it much less of an emotional upheaval to choose to implant. Most of those who are up in arms against implants don’t even have a child in question, so my belief is that it’s really none of their business… except in the question of their own self.
Just FYI: I haven’t seen the movie but I DVR’d it so will watch it this week soon when I get a chance but your title caught my eye regarding leaving children out of politics which I couldn’t agree with you more!! Anyway, I will come back to this post and read it once I am done watching and share what I think.
As a matter of fact, I’m wearing yellow shirt if you must know! *grins* One of these nights, we have to go out for some drinks when I wear yellow shirt and you wear pink shirt, deal?!
-SG
Neon yellow and neon pink shirts? *blink* *blink* ….going blind here.
I didn’t see the show…not a loss for me since I had better things to do that night that required my attention.
Bottom line, it’s the parents’ decision (informed decision) for such a young child/baby. Early intervention and parental involvement/committment do play an important role here. Though, of course, the older the child is the greater the involvement is in the decision process. One thing though, the brain’s plasticity at age 10 isn’t the same at age 1 or 2 years old.
Good! I’m not the **only** one who missed it. I have been way too busy lately, but I agree with those who feel it should be the family’s decision.
I can’t judge others going through this, but as a parent I know I would have a hard time implanting a baby. One of my sons needed a minor surgery when he was eight. It was a necessary procedure. Won’t go into the details here. But we had no choice. And it really, really bothered me they had to put him under at such a young age. So on a personal level I know I would have to think long and hard about implanting a baby. Not sure I could do it. But I am aware of the benefits and the fact that the younger a child is implanted, the better he or she will speak and process English.
It’s really a question of weighing the risk against your own personal values.
As far as asking kids what they want– parents make HUGE decisions for their children all the time. Most children aren’t capable of thinking in abstracts or have the ability to weigh ALL the pros and cons. They trust their parents to make decisions for them in their best interests. Sure– it’s great to get input from a child when he or she is old enough.
I didn’t see it either, here Down Under! I totally agree with your post re politics and our kids Paotie. My own son’s story was posted on Rachel’s blog, and it was his story in his words. Some of the comments were really great, and you can imagine some were not. He is almost 16 now and read some of them. Even as an articulate, intelligent young man, he found the politics of it all very confronting and the fact that people felt they could judge him and what his life was like based on one blog post just astounded him.
I actually suggested he not read any more of the comments because he felt as if he was being personally attacked by the few that were quite angry in their responses.
So even at almost 16, leaving the kids out of the politics is the way to go. As someone else said, there is plenty of time ahead for that!
yvonne’s comment was good.
Hmmm… to be honest, I can’t wait for the day when the CI is finally seen as a tool like a hearing aid and then we won’t be talking about it. Instead we’d be tooting our horns in alarm about genetic engineering/embryo selection, whathaveyou.
Changing the subject… I was a little frustrated for Marlee last night, seeing that the judges were stuck on the word “deaf”, using their “hearing” yardstick to measure her ability to dance as a deaf person. Even with our talents, we are still not good enough for the hearing world? I could see the disappointment and a kind of distance in her face since given the judgments and scores from the judges. I won’t scream “audism”, since there is much I don’t understand music, especially in the hearing world. So there are limits for us deaf people. So we create our own world, Deaf Culture, etc…where we’d not feel limited.
I am just rambling. In a sense I understand the hearing parents wanting to give their deaf baby/babies opportunities and I don’t blame them to be quicker in making the decisions with CI.
Karen, I can’t for the life of me figure out why they would even be thinking/talking about deafness in a dance competition, as long as Marlee had decided to join the competition, and can feel the beat of the music. I really can’t. I’m a hearing person, and I think (having not seen the show) that they may just not “get” that deaf people have a method of feeling the rythm?! That’s all I could come up with. Other than that, pointing out that she’s deaf must be to boost ratings (ooh, a deaf person who can use music to dance!) or something. It’s somehow an oddity (in their minds).
For the person who wondered about the difficulty of taking an infant into surgery– you wouldn’t find one parent who has taken a child into CI surgery who didn’t worry. Or who took a child in for hernia surgery, adenoid removal, etc. It’s natural. But when something is necessary, parents do what they have to do. As long as one has fully researched the details and feels that the surgeon is the best one can find, then you have to rely on your faith and/or your knowledge of the situation. No child has ever died on the operating table while receiving a CI, though it’s not impossible, since a rare reaction to medication or unknown heart condition could change the outcome. I think we as hearing parents have to weigh how important real, complex communication is and measure that against a one time, relatively simple surgery. Parents spend a lot of time thinking about risks of deafness, as well, which some people pooh-pooh, but also exist. They exist not only in the educational realm, but even in the realm of safety. So, when parents carry that baby into surgery, there are tears but also the knowledge that parenthood is never easy, and you have to feel some pain in the process. Paotie’s “liking” being deaf may influence his own choices, but they certainly don’t constitute an argument against implanting infants, particularly for hearing parents.
Yes, Yvonne… from my experiences with CI children and hearing parents, especially in Rochester, NY, the parents have done a lot of homework before making the decisions and they were upfront with me and my husband with their reasons for the decision to avoid misunderstanding. Plus we attended the CI workshop and listened to the panel discussion.At the end we realize that CI could offer more opportunities, with a lot of involvement of parents and professionals. We realized that we had to let go of 20th century mentality… That was years ago.
No, parenting is not easy… decisions are always in flux… we try to steer our children’s lives, giving opportunities and at the same time praying that our children would turn out all right.
You are right… in the judges’ minds, they focus on the footwork and they must have notice that Marlee missed a few or a lot, I don’t know. The lady judge looked very sympathetic and kept repeating she tried to imagine to be in Marlee’s shoes and she looked she was gonna cry because she would give MM a low score…. But I was struck by the pitying looks on the judges, not wanting to deflate MM’s ego… I am sure MM is used to the looks by now, but in front of millions of viewers… hmmm oh well. It shows the hearing viewers that deaf people can’t dance (same idea as white men can’t jump.) That is what bothers me.
[...] Jeff Daniels – His Views on His Role in “Sweet Nothing In My Ear” My Thoughts on Sweet Nothing In My Ear “Sweet Nothing In My Ear”: Rachel’s Opinion “Sweet Nothing In My Ear”: Elizabeth’s Opinion “BITTER SOMETHING OUT YOUR THE EYES” “Sweet Nothing” Portrays Ongoing Struggle for Recognition SWEET NOTHING IN MY EAR: A Message To Leave Children out Of Politics [...]
I think it is important for parents to leave kids out of the decision until they’re confident in their own feelings and opinions before including an older child into the discussion. Like McConnell, I have the same views.
Gotcha about the age and maturity of a child’s input in the decision-making. Take a look at the whole child’s being, FOLLOW THE CHILD’S LEAD.
Karens!
I agree with both of your comments.
Also, yvonne ..
You’re correct: I did not state my being deaf is the reason why I would not implant my child – but my being deaf would certainly influence my decision(s).
Thank you for acknowledging that.
Paotie
Yvonne–I’m not sure if you meant me when you said, “For the person who wondered about the difficulty of taking an infant into surgery– you wouldn’t find one parent who has taken a child into CI surgery who didn’t worry.” I’m sure ALL parents worry and find it difficult.
I don’t judge other parents for the decisions they make, even when their decisions are different from mine. I believe it’s impossible to know exactly how any of us would react or feel given each other’s life circumstances.
Kim, my child has cochlear implants. I have known tons of parents whose kids also have CIs, and my comment was that all parents worry when they take their kids into surgery, even if they feel confident. It wasn’t judging at all. I worried, and I was completely at peace with the decision. I worried when my son had to be put under for some dental work, too. It’s just a comment because I get the feeling that others don’t understand that it is still difficult for everyone, and I actually do know hundreds of parents who have expressed this worry. And I’ve never met someone who didn’t worry.
I’m not sure what your point was about judging, but I was simply stating the obvious, which is that parents worry about kids when they enter surgery, however safe it might be. I think others wonder if people with infants that are implanted are cold hearted SOBs who can do it with ease, and that’s just not the case. I was clarifying that parents worry, but that they do it after full research and the decision to make their children’s lives easier by doing it earlier. They do it because they know that what is hard for them as a parent is easier physically as an infant and that the child will learn language extremely fast, on par with their hearing friends. In fact, kids who were implanted early learn often by incidental learning– from friends or TV or even overhearing their parents private discussions.
Hey Paotie… what do you think of the furor over the creation of the deaf aggregator, DeafSide?
Amazing to see that we feel dividing creates safer places… that we feel unity is more dangerous, hee?
Paotie!
I am protesting at you for *not* speaking to all of us about the furor over the creation of the new deaf aggregator in your blog!
I’m just messing with ya! Can ya dig it, ya’know what I’m diggin’?
Just jokin’.
Dividing? Oh, yes, it is! Paddy Ladd’s book and Deafhood work well? Nah.
I have a friend who has a CI and ASL. I get the feeling is that this person is in the “middle” of the controversy. I am thinking of that person who went through the pain. I do feel and am with this person’s pain. It’s an ouch!
Isn’t it curious that a number of commenters on Tayler’s blog announcing the Deafside aggregator are objecting to the name “Deafside”? Already getting fractious before opening day, whew!
I understand the need for those who use ASL to have a “safe haven”, so they don’t have to defend ASL and Deaf culture against the pathological perspective of deafness.
OTOH, it’s a retreat to protect what they have, and the welcome mat goes with ‘em. How is this really going to help towards an understanding of ASL and Deaf culture for those hearing parents with a deaf child or for researchers who need to do unbiased research? I “hear” slamming of doors unfortunately.
Tayler, et al claim DeafRead will always reflect the different views of deafness, but I believe the editors at DR are afraid to lose their constituency of ASL-using v/bloggers and readers. Hence, Deafside. There are already deafchat and Deafvideo.tv available.
I also think Deafside will develop problems later on, if the v/blogs aren’t moderated somehow. A panel of three people to decide what the qualifications are for a Deafside v/blog is bound to run up against claims of discrimination or backbiting sooner or later. A mini version of DR within DR. *sigh* Like any of us really need that.
Yeah, even Taylor’s idea of customizing DeafRead was not enough.
*throwing up my hands in the air* whatever.
What they don’t see… being or imagining themselves oppressed, they become oppressors… hence segregation.
So they feel more safe with division than with unity.
Divided, we fall. United, we stand.
Guess we enjoy falling a lot of time more than standing up… sitting down in the mud is more comfortable, I guess.
Ann_C.
Agreed.
I believe that the Human Editors have abide the creation of the aggregator to attract the culturally deaf attendees more. I honestly don’t think it will outcome.
For what I have seen is that the Deafread have declined the number of attendees lately. The deafside will be the next in several years from now.
The CI babies in the 21st century are now the new posterity. I would eager to hear from them within 10 to 20 years from now. (When they become 14 or 18 years old.)
I believe the deaf culture will evolve within 10 to 20 years from now as well.
Sitting down in the mud? LOL. Let’s have fun in the mud.
Hey! so yah thanks White Ghost for holla at me to come here! lol
Yeah I agree with what most of you are saying.
It’s evolution, baby!
it’s a lot of stuff too…..
I found many of the comments at Tayler’s vblog funny, really, it is just interesting cuz nothing will satisfy them at all….except…one thing.
One thing for sure and from my experience is the only thing that works well in our world…for both deaf and hearing is……drugs, sex and rock n roll!!!! yup! remember, drugs can be something simple like maybe hmm… caffine even! And a lot of people still smoke weed….or maybe they’ll just actually pop some pills like PROZAC…. lol so it aint’ all that bad.
all that will just mellow out a person and we wouldn’t even be griping about all that stuff…they’ll be peace and lots of love…ya..know like the 60′s…lol I know..I was born too late to be part of the 60′s but I’ve always liked their ideals….kind of.
anyways…I’ll check back here later and see if anything develops…
True, Candy, sitting outside in balmy weather and drinking sangria can go a long ways to a one-on-one, personal communication, for example.
Cyberspace takes on an edge, because so many readers regard a blogosphere much like a newspaper, a source of info and different points-of-view.
The comment section of a blog takes on an editorial or “opinion page” aspect, and because so many commenters are “anonymice”, some individuals take advantage of this anonymity to inflame an issue or to flame someone, either the blogger or another commenter.
There’s nothing wrong with having a differing view. It’s when a commenter unthinkingly throws his emotion around like a weight– the closest analogy is “the squeakiest wheel gets the attention”– and hits everybody else who have so far refrained from doing the same thing, because we’re trying to have a rational debate here, not an emotional one. A spinning wheel stuck in a rut slings mud at everything…you started this mud analogy, Karen, not me, heh.
Let’s have a sing, “The Yellow Submarine” at the Woodstock!
Let’s have a party in the mud right now girls!
Paotie, join our club, won’t you?
Hee, hee… sorry ;o)
Hi Candy,
HAHA! I have nothing against drugs, sex and rockNroll, BUT I’ve found meditation and exercise helpful too. I’m just not into this debate on Taylor’s blog at all. I don’t care what they do with DeafRead. I’m pretty sure those who have always read my blog will continue while those who have always hated it won’t. Sometimes I’m not even sure why I have blog. Why should anyone care what I think?
Just clicked on moi’s blog, “Deafside: Home?” and read Jim’s comment in response to her blog. “…if someone stays in the sanctuary [Deafside] and not come out at all, that’s what is dangerous.”
Ditto, I couldn’t agree more.
Argh!
I just visited Cy’s blog, Deaf Tea Time. She has made many assumptions on my dear online friend, Mel aka Iammine who has a CI and also an ASL lover.
There are several intelligent bloggers who defended Mel’s commented her about the music and the deaf community.
Go over and visit there!
Tayler just announced that the deaf community is now officially divided.
Candy! Boy, how can I love your blog even more? I am glad that I am your b*tch friend.
I’ll comment yours tomorrow.
I am tired.
G’nite.